Raising Boys

Here is a link to an interview with my very wonderful aunt. Jan has raised 5 boys who are now adults and the best of friends. I could write a whole essay about Jan. Instead I will tell you that she is one of the most generous, patient, kind, sensible people I know. She is incredibly supportive of mothers, her cooking is legendary and her home is always open.

I think this is good reading for parents, even if you don't have boys.

This is not my aunt, it's not even a photo of my cousins.
Just a generic pic of some boys.  Riding bikes.

Here you are...

Raising Boys - from a mother who raised 5 boys

Enjoy! And let me know what you think.

x


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May All Your Puddings Be Bought

I hope you and your families all had a merry Christmas. We certainly did. I am so in love with Christmas in Winter, it isn't funny. Not that anybody was suggesting it is funny. I probably should have wished you a merry Christmas yesterday but was too excited after the panto.

For today's post I have copied an email I got from my mother today. Lazy, me? Well, yes. But it's Christmas in Winter. And if that isn't a time to be lazy I don't know when is. And if you had a cooking disaster at Christmas, it's good to know you were not alone. Over to my Mum...

I was asked to bring pudding, ice-cream, custard and cream for Christmas lunch.  I had heard a well-known cook on the radio talk about doing a pudding in the microwave.  So I thought I'd try that this year.

www.bbcgoodfood.com

I soaked all the fruit in brandy for a few days. I then realised I didn't have a suitable bowl to cook it in. So, off to Chatswood* early one morning, and after trawling through loads of shops I found just what I wanted. I dragged all the parcels home, then realised I didn't have the bowl. Damn @#$%^&! (That's how Mum swears.) I probably left it on a table in Chatswood Chase when I stopped to rearrange my packages. The thought of going back was quickly dismissed because life is too short. Damn.

I double checked my available cookware and decided to test a melamine bowl in the microwave.   I popped it in for 3 minutes and could hear this ominous cracking, and the smell was awful. Damn again. The bowl now has no bottom and the house stinks.

So, this time, I went to Crows Nest and bought another bowl. I cooked the pudding, supposedly, but it looked vile and uncooked. So, brainstrust here puts it back for another ten minutes. Big mistake. It looked like dog's vomit, which is not what you want from a pudding. It was also now rock solid. I put it in the fridge and thought I'd try to remove it from the bowl the next day.

The next day it wouldn't budge from the bowl. So I took a very expensive Scanpan knife to run it round the edges. I felt a snap, again, that's not what you want. As I lifted the knife out, the whole top of the knife is missing. It's embedded in the pudding. On the bright side, at least now the pudding is out of the bowl.

The toll was now:

- One brand new bowl, never used
- One melamine bowl
- One Scanpan knife
- Beautiful brandy soaked fruit mixture, eggs, butter, etc.

In the end I went to David Jones food hall, where I bought a Newcastle Lady's pudding for $83. But I have to be truthful and say that it was one of the best puddings I've ever had. The whole thing was my own fault, but ...!

*Shopping in Chatswood sucks the life from you. It's crowded. It's hectic - while somehow being a place where you always get stuck behind slow walkers. Argh! You can spend 6 months just looking for a car park. To brave the Christmas crowd in Chatswood and come home without your goodies is about as fun as haemorrhoids.


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It's Pantomime Time

Going to a pantomime was on the list of things to do while living in the UK.

We saw Dick Whittington today. It's nice ticking something off a list when it pretty much required me to sit in a chair eating chocolate and Pringles. At one point I laughed and chocolate went up my nose, but you can't have everything.

It was great fun and we walked out of there in the best of moods. Colourful and noisy, the usual theatre rules of a silent audience don't apply. This is what I knew about them before today:

- People go to them at Christmas / New Year
- Aussie soap stars go to the UK for them
- If an actor says "Oh no it's not" the audience replies with "Oh yes it is" and this gets repeated several times.

Humour me for a minute and let's pretend that an alien spaceship has picked you up. You're flying through space when an alien, let's call him Allen, explains they are going to let you off somewhere on Earth. Allen lands and you disembark, with no idea which country you are in. You just happen to land in the audience of a pantomime. You can only be in Britain.

I am certain pantomimes exist in other countries, although I have never come across one before. But watching this today was just so, so British. Having said that, it starred Dame Edna (yay!) so one of the numbers was Waltzing Matilda. It was fantastic - although it's odd hearing a stirring rendition of it without anyone joining in. Sorry to be a spoilsport but I wasn't going to.

I now know there are certain elements that are particular to pantos. Do you like how I say "panto" like a regular?

- There is always a goody and a baddy. The goody enters from stage right, the baddy from stage left. When you see the baddy, you have to boo and hiss.
- There is usually a character that is an animal of some kind. Today there was a cat and I've got to tell you, it was a pretty crappy part. The lines went like this, "Meeow" "Meeeeeeoooooww" or a gentle mewing sound. You'd be pissed off if you landed that gig after three years at RADA.
- It is not uncommon for one or more characters to be a dwarf. This will prompt jokes like "where did he go?" And there I was thinking Britain was very PC.
- At some stage, an actor will say something along the lines of "where is it?" The audience then says "Look behind you!" and there is much laughter as the thing being sought after moves whenever the character searching for it turns around. Although having said that, there was none of it today. Can I get my money back?
- There will be some very unsubtle cross dressing.

We saw this in our local theatre and I was seriously impressed. It was cheesy, there was a pun a minute and it was a real spectacle. It was very, very funny and to be honest, a bit strange. Plus I love Dame Edna. She'd make little quips about not having a clue what the panto genre is about and "that's the first time genre has been said in a panto, oh I'm meant to say that in rhyme. How annoying."

Next on the list is to go to a football (soccer) game. Preferably not one where I get beaten up for wearing the wrong colour. My husband said I can go with him "if you don't embarrass me." I have no idea what he means. But still, exciting!



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Exploring the UK: Hampton Court

Today we took the children to Hampton Court. This was Henry VIII's favourite palace. It's been described as his "pleasure palace" which, given what we know about the man himself, is a bit ick really.

"Excuse me, but you are dead."
These photos were taken with a phone, so not great quality sorry.
I think the fact I apologised means I have been in the UK for too long.

We knew there would be parts of Hampton Court the kids would enjoy, as it's known for being a great family attraction. To be honest though, we thought that if we wanted to see the palace properly, we'd be dragging them along with the promise of cake at the end.

We were wrong. They loved every minute.

Every time we'd enter a room, they'd do a little "wow!" There is a string of rooms, each with a throne at one end. As we walked from room to room, our son would go, "Wow, look! A throne!" Every time. Oh to have the enthusiasm of a 5 year old.

It was 12 degrees, and he was so hot we had to roll up his sleeves.
Right - we have definitely been in the UK for too long. 

Five and three year olds can see the fun to be had in everything. A huge pot? "Look! A huge pot!" A big old bed? "Wow! A big old bed!" Jousting sticks? "Arghhhhhh!! Look!! Wow!! Long swordy things the knights had! Wow!"

"Cool! Cobblestones!"
"An old light! Look!"
"Look there's a picture of a dragon / dog / another dragon / another dog!"
"A painting of the King's friend! Wow!"
"A statue! Look, I can stand still too! Look! Look! Did you see? You didn't see, I'll do it again... look, I can stand still too...!"

My favourite? "Wow! Look!  A window!"

The gardens are half the attraction, so in between seeing parts of the palace, we'd head outside. The paths are covered in pebbles, and it had been raining. When you are five or three, this is the makings of the best day of your life. "Wow, look! Pebbles! And a puddle! Wow!" Cue the next ten minutes of them putting pebbles in a puddle.

"Wow, look!  Fish!  Wow, look - another fish!"

"There's a fountain over there!  WOW!"

Back in 1998, I went to Hampton Court and thought it was fantastic. I never imagined I'd be back again with a husband and two children. I'm just so happy I have.

"Wow, look! A blog!"



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My Kitchen. My Nemesis.

Before I tell you about this piece of cat sick that is my kitchen, let me start by saying that I am grateful we have a roof over our heads. I am also acutely aware that there are those who would be thrilled to have this kitchen.

So yes, I am grateful to have a kitchen. But here is a photo of its ceiling:

Can you see where I'm going with this?  It's a good thing I can see the funny side, for it is a really crappy kitchen. You've seen the ceiling. I don't know what amuses me more - the weird-arse, plastic, thirty year old checked thing that someone knowingly installed? The long, unforgiving fluoroescent light? Or maybe it's the fact that the other fluoroescent light has been broken since we moved in?

My kitchen repels heat.  This would be fine in, say, Bermuda.  But my kitchen is not in Bermuda.   It has a door that goes outside, but there is no step.  Should you open said door and go outside you will fall about two feet onto some concrete below.  In Winter I have to stuff the bottom of the door with towels to stop the draught.  I cook while wearing several woollen jumpers and scarves, sometimes gloves. This house is warm, but the kitchen is not.

The appliances have little idea of what they are supposed to do. The fridge freezes vegetables and the freezer, when the door works, is confused and thinks it's some kind of cold cupboard. "Fix fridge" has been top of the list for a while. Yes I have played with the settings, but they are there purely to give a semblance of efficiency. The fridge is small, but in Winter I can keep things outside where it's colder. Brilliant!

Did I mention my kitchen is green and brown?  Well, it's green and brown.

It's normally not this clean. 

When I stand at the sink, I have a clear view of my neighbour's wall. Thankfully, their walls are not ugly like ours so that's a plus. But our landlord has a thing for decorative stickers on windows. Can you spot them in the photo below? Does anyone care to translate? My guess is they are saying something like, "Yes it's cold, get over it" or "Green and brown will make you frown."

The flowers were purely for the photo.

By way of comparison, this is our kitchen in Sydney. I'm not saying it's amazing and I'm not including it here to suggest one city is superior to the other, because it's not. But I loved that kitchen then and I love it more now. Absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder. It's nice to know this kitchen awaits me when we move back. I feel like I've earned it after this doozy.

Looking at this photo just now, I realise it's missing a cupboard. 

What's your kitchen like? Does it have, *ahem*, character?

This is a sponsored post. But it's still a post. I just happen to get money for it, that's all.




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Is This The Best Ad on TV?

Those of you in the UK will have probably seen this John Lewis ad.

If you live elsewhere, this is for you.



Beautiful, isn't it?

And to change the subject, I would just like to say that my husband spent the morning with Daniel Craig - as you do. He sends his love to you all. At least, I'm sure he does. (Daniel, not my husband. Although I'm sure my husband says hi.)



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When Email Goes Bad

Recently, a boy and a girl went on a date in New York. She didn't think it went well, he did. Over the next few days, she ignored his calls and texts.

Did he accept she is not into him? No. Did he console himself with a few beers and a sympathetic barman? No. Did he get drunk with his mates and wake to find his shoes missing? No.

He wrote her an essay and emailed it to her. Of course! In it, he explained why she led him on. Apparently, if you play with your hair a lot, it means you want to sleep with the person you are talking to. I'm now slightly concerned I have been giving all the wrong signals to all the wrong people. Oops.

He also wrote about how successful he is. If that wasn't enough to induce a noisy vomit, he went on to helpfully list all the things they have in common. Actually, make that the two things they have in common: their ages and the fact they both like classical music.

"I'm quite a catch, don't you know..."

What did she do? She put it on a website, explaining "...friend couldn’t make it to philharmonic at last minute so I went alone, met this guy, went on ONE, HORRIFIC date. Then got this." As is the way all too often, it has now gone around the world.

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you. Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

- You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a Google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

- We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

- You said, 'It was nice to meet you' at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

- We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part.

According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date.

You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a 'real' job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so. George Soros’ sons help manage their family investments. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so.

In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too.

If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feelings are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc.

I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt.

Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Mike. (If you have got this far you deserve a medal.)

Oh dear Mike. It's best if you stop now, for the keyboard is not your friend. Raise a glass and toast her goodbye. Put this behind you. And never, ever do it again.



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Baby Name Suggestions

Deciding on baby names isn't easy. You think you and your partner will happily agree on a name, then skip to the pram shop holding hands. Not so.

We were well into the "please don't remind me this baby has to come out" part of my first pregnancy when we discussed names. My husband wanted to call our son Sebastian. That might be a fine name, but I could not see us as parents of a Sebastian. He said he liked Thor. I laughed. He didn't join in. That was a surprise. I told him I really liked Matthew or Lachlan. He quickly vetoed them. See what I mean?

So I have come up with a way of getting your partner to agree to the name you want. The trick is to suggest a name they will really not like first. Do your best to sell it to them, and act disappointed and reluctant when they turn it down. You then suggest the name you actually want, which is hopefully not as ridiculous, and they will be so relieved you are not sticking with the first name that they'll agree to it. I have come up with names you can pretend to suggest, with selling points should you need them. Names are very personal things, so if you find your name or your child's name here, please don't take this to heart.

Girls Names
Porcini
OK yes, you are essentially naming your daughter after a fungus. But it's exotic. It's pretty. And if we didn't have fungus, risotto would be rubbish and there'd be no penicillin.

Mahogany
Take this name up a notch by modifying its spelling. For example, you can try Mahogganee or Ma-Hogan'eeeee. Nice!

Bauble
Baubles are festive, decorative and everyone loves them. And if you call your baby Bauble, you can hold them up on the Christmas tree and everyone will think you are hilarious.

Scooter
She's going places.

Abstract Nouns
No, I'm not suggesting you call your daughter "Abstract Noun" although hey, each to their own. But Faith, Hope and Charity are names. So why not consider Indifferent, Gullible or Nonplussed?

Twinkle Stardust
It's David Bowie meets Dame Edna meets Mariah with a drag queen giving them all a big cuddle.  This is for those who intend to make their daughters attend auditions and pageants.

Boys Names
Balsamic
This is a very masculine name. Strong, powerful, this is a man who packs a punch. (If you don't mind...)

Plush
This is an excellent choice should your family suffer from a distinct lack of hair. By calling your son Plush, you are increasing their chances of them looking like this one day:

Personally, I can't think of a better start in life.

Ball
Like Balsamic, Ball is another very manly name. Warning: it isn't subtle.

Handle
I was inspired by, yes, a door handle. Robust and practical, the door handle has direction. It has purpose. It doesn't piss about with your "oh which way shall I go" nooooo.... it turns left or right. If you like the sentiment behind this name but you want a shorter version, you can go for Knob.

Timber
He'll be popular with the ladies. Or he'll be a porn star.

Have you got a good name to add to the list?

This is a sponsored post but please don't get all snooty and "Urgh! She blogs for cash!" We're coming up to Christmas so yes, I will blog for cash.


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24 Hours In Cardiff

Here is my assessment of Cardiff after a 24 hour visit. My husband has been working there this week. With Mum visiting, she very kindly minded the children so I could pay him a visit.

I arrived and could not move my limbs for the cold, so warmed up by a fire before heading out. Oh, look! This is the fire I sat beside. Is this an interesting post or what??

If you say "Cardiff" to me, I think of a castle and a stadium where I've always wanted to watch a rugby game. With my husband working, I took myself to the castle. On the way I spotted some Wallabies (this is the Australian rugby team) who were lovely.  But look at Rob Horne (middle) - he clearly thought I was nuts.  Just because I chased them down the street going "Oy, Wallabies, stop!! Can I take your photo... stop!! OY!"  I mean, really.

"How could you tell we are Wallabies?"  

One of them offered to take a photo of me with the other two. I declined, but in truth I'd love a photo of the Wallabies all lifting me up. My husband has a bit to do with them because of his work, so I asked if he could arrange this for me. He said, "I'll see what I can do" which is his way of saying, "No way.  And you are ridiculous."

Oh come on, you can't blame me can you?

The castle was just fantastic, I loved every minute there.

That night, I had a drink in a swanky bar waiting for the man to finish work. It's a funny thing going to a bar by yourself, you definitely get noticed. I got the odd sympathetic glance, and looks which I interpreted as "are hookers wearing jeans these days?" The man finished work, we had a great dinner, more wine and a wonderful time. But I have to ask - how do people go out on such cold nights wearing next to nothing? They're necking a bottle of vodka beforehand, surely?

I had the following morning to look around before getting the train back to London. The Christmas markets were beautiful, with people standing around drinking mulled wine. I am really coming around to Christmas in cold weather. It has a very distinct feel and aroma, and I absolutely love it.

I had a wonder around Cardiff Markets, buying a dragon for my charm bracelet and some second hand books.

I had my first ever Welsh cakes. The woman cooking them was coughing up her lungs, so it was a risky purchase. But so worth it.

In Australia, I see all those souvenir shops and wonder who would want a little koala ashtray. Well, the tables have turned. I loved the souvenir shops in Cardiff. It's interesting though, while you'll see fridge magnets and so on, all espousing how great it is to be Welsh, you'll never see that in England. Sure, you'll see plenty of patriotic British gear, but - correct me if I'm wrong - you just don't see "proud to be English" teatowels. Is that fair to say?

The vintage shops are just the best, and you could easily spend a few days rummaging around them.

Please humour me and check out my new (well, new from the 1940s) teapot for £6. Bargain. Something with such character doesn't need to be pretty.

But why didn't I buy this for Christmas?

I don't know why I didn't time the trip better. I was there for just one night, and the following day the Wallabies were to play Wales. That is why my husband was in Cardiff. Am I an idiot or what??

Speaking of rugby, I found a great rugby shop and nearly bought a few bits and pieces. Then I decided I really can't buy Aussie rugby gear in Wales - it's not right. Instead I bought my son a Welsh rugby ball. He has now declared his allegiance to the Welsh team, and said "I will never ever ever go for the Wallabies again." We beat Wales today and he was sobbing - completely inconsolable. What have I done??

Anyway, I was impressed with Cardiff.


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It's Time.

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