How Not to Respond to a Customer Complaint

You couldn't make this up.

A woman wasn't happy with the service she received in a Melbourne store called GASP. In the circumstances, I am so loving the name of this shop.

She wrote a letter of complaint about her experience, and received this corker back. It's doing the rounds at the moment, and I know it's a very lazy post from me, but I just had to share with those of you who haven't seen it. Sorry it's so long. While I can appreciate there are two sides to every story, you've got to wonder about this nutty response. Surely a simple, "I'm sorry you had that experience, thank you for bringing it to my attention" would have been easier.

Email from Keara O'Neill to GASP
I had the privilege of shopping at your brand new Chapel St store on Saturday 24th September with my three bridesmaids in tow. On the hunt for bridesmaids dresses and a hens dress for myself we walked into the store and were automatically pounced on by a male staff member, I understand that this is protocol for many retail outlets and ours is no different.

The staff member was initially funny and extremely helpful with sizes etc. I chose a bright pink dress to try on but was unable to do the zip up so asked for the size up, when I eventually got the correct size and came out of the change room I was unable to discuss the likes or dislikes of the dress with my bridesmaids as the sales assistant kept saying “you should just get it”, when I told him I would think about it, he pulled me aside and whispered “Is it the price your worried about”. By now I was extremely frustrated, and again told him I’d think about it, I walked back into the change room and closed the door behind me, only to have it pushed open with the sales assistant half standing in my change room, again whispering “I think you should just get it”, when I gave him attitude and said rudely, “I already told you I would think about it”, he then replied, “With your figure I really think you should buy it”.

I’m not sure exactly what he meant by that, but considering the attitude used to deliver such a statement I can only imagine that it was an immature dig in relation to my healthy size 12 frame. I got changed in a hurry and walked right out of the change rooms and out of the store, I could hear the sales assistant yelling out to me, but I just ignored him and continued to leave, assuming my bridesmaids would follow. After waiting down the road for my bridesmaids to come out of the store I was told by one of them that the sales assistant yelled out “Have fun finding something at Supre”, when one of them approached him in regards to his comments, he replied “I knew you girls were a joke the minute you walked in”. When my bridesmaids walked out of the store another two customers walked out with them, they too could not believe the immaturity of the sales assistant.

I have worked in retail for 12 years and have come across an array of customer complaints over the years, none of which come even close to what I encountered on Saturday at your store, I wish I was exaggerating but unfortunately for your company this person actually exists and is working in one of your stores. I am pretty laid back and was quite happy just leaving your store, it was my bridesmaids who felt the need to say something to him………I dread to think how many customers he has not only offended but how many customers have left your store due to the pressure placed on getting the sale, and then to be harassed when that sale hasn’t taken place.

Ring me, don’t ring, not fussed………I’m just one retailer notifying another of an extremely inappropriate sales assistant.

Keara O'Neil


Response by GASP area manager Matthew Chidgey
Dear Keara O’Neil,

Having now had the privilege of having both version of events, I am now in a position to respond to your complaint.

From the very outset, one thing that you should be mindful of is; Our product offerings are very, very carefully selected, so to ensure that we do not appeal to a broad customer base. This is something which is always at the forefront of our minds when undertaking buying duties.

The reason for this is to ensure that we only carry products which appeal to a very fashion forward consumer. This by default means that the customer whom is acclimatised to buying from “clothing for the masses” type retailers, is almost frightened by our range, sometimes we have found that this type of customer, almost finds our dresses funny, and on occasion noted comments such as 'it looks like a dead flamingo'. When we receive comments like this, we like to give ourselves and our buyers, a big pat on the back, because we know we are doing our job right, and modus operandi is being upheld.

Our range is worn by A list celebrities to the likes of Kim Kardashian, Selena Gomez and Katy Perry to name only a few. Now, as one might appreciate, the style counsel for these types of celebrities are not ones to pick “run of the mill” type clothing, and they do so on the basis to ensure that the styles are cutting edge, and only worn by a select few. Similarly these items are priced such that they remain inaccessible to the undesirable.

Insofar as our employee goes; Similar to our product offerings, our employees are selected with a similar approach. Chris whom served you is a qualified stylist whom has a sixth sense for fashion, and Chris’s only problem is that he is too good at what he does, and as I am sure you are aware, people whom are talented, generally do not tolerate having their time wasted, which is the reason you were provoked to leave the store.

Whilst I concede that you work for chain retailer, unfortunately that does not make us like for like. It is probably fair to assume, a lot of what I have said in this email, either doesn’t make sense to you, or you totally disagree with it all, which is what I would expect (unless of course I have you totally wrong – which I doubt).

Let me guess, you would never, ever hire Chris in the course of your duty, would you? This is the very reason, why your comment “from one retailer to another” is so disproportionate, it’s almost as though we are in a totally different industries. Chris is a retail superstar, who possess unparalleled ability, and I am sorry you feel upset by him, but he knew you were not going to buy anything before you even left your house.

So if you would like to do us any favours, please do not waste our retail staff’s time, because as you have already seen, they will not tolerate it. I am sure there are plenty of shops that appease your taste, so I respectfully ask that you side step our store during future window shopping expeditions.

Thank you for your enquiry.

I tried to pick my favourite part, but it was tricky. I think it has to be where he says "the customer whom is acclimatised to buying from clothing for the masses type retailers, is almost frightened by our range." But then there's the grammar, which is just as funny.

Thanks Mr Chidgey, you've made my day.



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Frock It: When More is More

And now it's time for the most unpopular meme in the blogosphere - Frock It!  The last Frock It had, I kid you not, no participants.  None.  Zero.  Zip.  Zilch.  Has a meme ever had zero participants before?  Have I set some kind of record?  Is it bad that I see this as some kind of achievement?  Ah well, here is another chance to Frock It if you fancy joining in.

It was hard just picking one dress this time. We've had the Emmys. There was London Fashion Week where, surprisingly, Pippa Middleton was photographed. I simply couldn't believe it, the papers normally ignore her, don't they? In Australia there was the Brownlow Medal. This is a swanky affair where the best and fairest player in the AFL (Australian Football League) is awarded, wait for it, the Brownlow Medal. The Aussie WAGs pose for their country on the blue (not red) carpet, and vie to make the subsequent best dressed lists.

The Brownlow Medal has given us some notable fashion moments. My favourite was Tania Buckley's white dress cut low at the back to display her sparkly g-string in 2001. There is something very special about showcasing your g-string as a feature of your outfit. Do google it.

I picked this dress worn by a woman named Brynne Edelsten. Now you've got to hand it to young Brynne. No shrinking violet, she certainly does know how to liven up the place with her "more is more" approach to dressing. That old chestnut about just showcasing one part of your body at a time? She sticks two fingers up to that one. As she does to simplicity, elegance and, in my opinion, taste. I think it's tacky and mildly ridiculous but I kind of like her for it.

"I'm here!!!"

Brynne with her husband.  Do check out the dress's train.
No walking backwards for Brynne that night. 

Frock It is all about the love of the frock.  All you have to do is choose one dress and write a post about it on your blog.  Then come back here and link up.  Be sure to have a look at what others have contributed, but let's face it, yours will probably be the only one. If I'm lucky.  Hear those violins in the background?




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Celebrities I Like. Or Have Great PR.

This week's Listography is "top 5 celebrities I'd like to go for a beer with." Here is my list in no particular order.

1. Jemaine Clements
Jemaine is from New Zealand, which is not Australia. They have their own Prime Minister and everything! (That one goes out to my first boss, who was surprised at this discovery.) Jemaine is one half of duo Flight of the Conchords, and to be honest I'd love a beer with Brett just as much. But I picked Jemaine for his special dancing.

And just because I love you, here is a live version of Business Time. Is it Wednesday yet?



2. Matt Damon
Just because.

3. Mia Freedman
I'm not sure if she's a celebrity in the strictest sense of the word, although she is certainly very well known in Australia. I'm including Mia because I am always agreeing when I read her writing, and there would certainly be a lot to talk about. You can read her too at www.mamamia.com.au.

4. John Bishop
Now here is one very funny man... when I can understand what he is saying. In fact I think I'd love a beer with most comedians as long as they weren't expecting a night off. I would demand they be funny or they won't get any beer from me.

5. Gok Wan
Is it bad to include him so I get called "gorgeous" and "fabulous" while drinking my beer? That's OK, isn't it?

Head over to Kate Takes 5 to read other people's lists.




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Thoughts for a Saturday

Like
I might have the slightest crush on Lee Mack. It has nothing to do with the fact he currently plays an icecream van driver on TV. Nothing.



Dislike
Grocery shopping in a hurry and coming home with food past it's Use By date. Thanks Sainsburys, that was great. The mouldy blueberries were a real hit with the kids.

Like
My cosmetics giveaway, thanks to Procter & Gamble. The winner drawn from a hat is.... Glynis Elliott. Enjoy!

Dislike
The amount of dog poo on the pavement lately. I cannot believe a dog owner wouldn't notice their dog halting walkies for 10 minutes while it dumps a smelly Everest. What's going on? Are dogs sneaking out on their own at night and rebelling in the only way they know how?

Like
Owning sunglasses. They are the ultimate cover-up. Why has it taken me this long to buy a decent pair?

Dislike
Choosing sunglasses. The shop assistant told me all the pairs I had tried were mens. They were displayed with the womens, and the only way I could tell them apart was the amount of embellishment on the sides. More bling = womens.

Like
Mexican jumping beans. Ever the romantic, my husband handed me a little box. The fact it was plastic was my first clue this was not containing anything of the jeweled variety. Instead, it was a small box of Mexican jumping beans. Call me sad but I think they're cool.

No cultural stereotypes here.  

Dislike
People leaving their rubbish on our front fence. One day I will catch someone doing it, and I will make them choose sunglasses as punishment. Or buy blueberries from Sainsburys.

Like
The Wrigleys dinner at Smiths of Smithfield. Great restaurant, fun people, lovely wines and food - and I now have more Extra gum than I know what to do with. Slightly worried I was invited because they thought I had bad breath.

Like
My beautiful sister visiting from Sydney.

Dislike
My beautiful sister returning to Sydney.

Like
The musical Billy Elliott. How can a 12 year old dance like that? When I was 12 I could do that dance where you put your hand on your knees, and when you bring your knees together you swap hands. It certainly had a high degree of difficulty.

If that was me I'd fall over backwards.

Dislike
Minstrels. They are my frenemy and I have to stop eating a big bag every day. This is getting silly.

Like
The welcome I got after one night away. "Mummy, you're home! I'm so happy you're home! I missed you! I love you!"

Dislike
Being a personal slave. "Oh no, I dropped my (mouldy) blueberry. Mummy, pick it up! Pick it up! PICK IT UP!!" The worst is when I can't be bothered and I just pick the stupid thing up.

Like
Dougal telling Ted about The Beast of Craggy Island. I might expand this point to include every piece of dialogue in Father Ted.



Dislike
The ads before You Tube videos. Especially when they say "your video will start shortly" there is a time warp where "shortly" is actually "the exact opposite of shortly - ner ner ner nerrr!"

Like
Gola in Fulham. I'm obsessed with pasta, so this is one of the best restaurants I've ever been to. Amazing food and wine, beautiful surroundings and wonderful service. I just want to pick my house up and park it in the middle of this restaurant.  I'm sure that would completely be fine with them.

Dislike
The changes on Facebook. If it ain't broke...

What are you liking or disliking this week?



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Saved by the Ball

Now, I tried to resist putting these photos together, honestly I did. But here they are.  We're right into the rugby World Cup so I'll use that as my feeble excuse.  (YES we lost to Ireland, I know, I know....)

I think this rather unsubtle collection raises a few questions:

1. Do ping pong players wish their balls were bigger so they can pose like the footballers?

2. Did all these photographers do the exact same course?

3. Are these men confused as to the intended purpose of their sporting, ahem, equipment?

4. Am I the only heterosexual woman who thinks these photos are really funny?

So here we have a collection of photos I will call "Men Using Balls to Cover Their Balls." Obviously.

He really loves his football.  

If I wanted to take this further, I could have included the cricketers as well. It turns out they pose with their bats in much the same way.

I'll leave you with that thought.

Don't forget to enter my fab cosmetics giveaway!


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Oh To Have Such Confidence

"I think it's because I'm rich, handsome and a great player. They envy me - there's no other explanation."
Cristiano Ronaldo explaining why he is often singled out by other players.

"I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world."
Anna Kournikova. And really, who is going to argue?

"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde - Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana - and right now, I'm that icon."
No, that wasn't me. That was Paris Hilton.

"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
Really? Charlie Sheen was pretending?

"I'm really exciting. I smile a lot, I win a lot, and I'm really sexy."
Serena Williams. I have nothing to add. Nothing.

"I'm really f*cking good at my job, and people who are interesting and good know that. That's all that matters."
Oh Gwyneth. Gwyneth, Gwyneth, Gwyneth.

"I think we're both deeper than normal people."
Miley Cyrus talking about her boyfriend and herself. Because they are, like, soooo deep. Like, totally, you know? They totally talk about life and things and stuff.

"Sometimes it's overwhelming. Why did God give me my talent, my gift, my family. But I know you're not supposed to question God."
I get you, Beyonce. My son says my talent is finding triangles, and yes, it is certainly overwhelming.

"Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money."
Donald Trump. And his hair.

And while we're talking quotes, we all know Muhammed Ali's wonderful "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" don't we?

Well, I'm embarrassed to say that until recently I thought it was "float like a butterfly, sting like a beaver."

Because a beaver sting hurts like hell, didn't you know?



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Fab Giveaway. Because I Really Like You.

It's a shame you're reading this on a screen, because I'm really dying for you to ask me where I've spent the past two days. So I'm going to pretend you did just ask me.

"Me? Oh, I just got back from Paris." I'm using my everyday "ho hum I'm so cool" voice, when I really want to jump on a sofa and scream "I went to Paris!!" looking a bit like this...

I'll be sure to tell you about it.  I've been a couple of times before but, believe it or not, this was the first time I got to shop properly there.  It was amazing.

In the meantime though, I have a treat for you.  Do you remember I spent a day as a 1930s housewife which was organised by Procter and Gamble?  Maybe they felt sorry for putting me through that, because they have given me some amazing Max Factor products to pass to one of you. With Winter on its way, now is a great time to up your pretty with some colour. Having said that, this competition is open to everyone, not just those of you in the UK.

Max Factor Lipfinity Lip Tint
This lip pen defines and colours lips, leaving a flash of matte colour with a lightweight, barely there feel.

Max Factor Colour Elixir Lipstick
This has been called "Max Factor's ultimate beauty treatment for lips" and its formula improves lip moisture to achieve a smoother surface.  The result is high pigmented lip colour that glides on effortlessly for an even finish and improved vibrancy.  I got the word "vibrancy" from their PR people.  I might use it more often, what do you think?

Max Colour Effect Mini Mail Polish
Available in 15 shades, these nail polishes are packed with colour to let you make a statement in seconds.  I might have nicked that description from the PR people too.

Max Factor Liquid Effect Pencil
These make perfecting professional eye lines simple, delivering precision liquid line with the ease of a pencil.  It features a built-in smudger so you don't look like Kate Middleton - for as much as I think she is great, she needs to blend her eye liner.  I might write to her about that.

Max Factor Smoky Eye Effect

This makes one of the most difficult to master looks achievable.  This all-in-one tool features two crayon-like precision tips that let you blend colours to smoky perfection.  Oooooooh!  Smoky perfection!
  

How good is that??   One of you will win the lot, and I have to say, I love makeup so I'm a bit jealous.  Entering this fab (if I do say so myself) giveaway could not be easier.

1. Follow this blog if you're not already following.
2. Leave a comment on this post with details of how I can contact you.

2. You will get an extra name in the hat if you mention this giveaway, with the link, on Twitter (but be sure to let me know please, I might miss it). 

The winner will be drawn at random on 24 September.  

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Shiny New Things

I really don't mean to make you all jealous, but this week I've got lots of new things. I am like a kid at Christmas... a labrador on heat... what can I say? I'm excited.

Firstly, I made my first ever E-Bay purchase. Am I the last person on earth to use E-Bay? I was procrastinating and somehow found this brand new Monsoon dress:

(Not actual size)

With just minutes to go, I bid £7.49, although I'm not sure why I bid such a strange amount. I won and fear I will become an E-Bay addict. The dress fits, it's new, it's pretty - happy days!

Next, my little sister gave me this beautiful sign for my kitchen. Each letter is a resin cut-out that sticks to the wall. Now I certainly don't need a reminder to eat, but me do likey.

She bought it from www.moozadesigns.com.au. 

Then my other sister arrived in London (big hooray!!) and brought me this:

I have wanted a bottle of Flowerbomb for years. So I smell like, well, a flowerbomb. How fabulous of me.

Next, we were sent something slightly less glamorous:

I had agreed to review Moon Dough's new grocery store toy. And then I forgot all about it. So it was a great surprise when it arrived, in fact the children were so hysterical you'd have thought we have no toys in the house.

Have you ever touched Moon Dough?? It is one weird-arse thing - silky, weightless and squishy. It's a bit like Play Doh but never dries out.

This set comes with a little shopping basket, and various food-shaped moulds so you can create your own mini grocery store... hence the name. It also has a cash register which doubles as a Moon Dough coin maker. On the box are pictures of things you can create.

The pictures on the box are exactly the same as my 2 year old's creations.

The kids loved it, and called each other "shopkeeper" and "customer" throughout their game. They were sooooo not copying Mummy, just in case you ever thought I did that. They had an absolute ball, but alas, I did not. It turns out that Moon Dough and carpet are not a good match. Although Spiderman, like my children, was impressed.

Spiderman has an urgent delivery of baked beans.

My verdict? My children really love Moon Dough. If I didn't have carpet, there is every chance I would love it too.

And finally, I had noticed a toy kitchen in the window of our local FARA. I had wanted to buy a second hand one for a little while, and with all this pretend food around the house it seemed perfect. By the time I got there, I was too late but... I stayed and had a good look around. I ended up finding a cream Monsoon swing coat, still with its tags on. Needless to say it is tucked up in my wardrobe, grateful to have been rescued in the name of charity.

And someone else is about to get a very nice little delivery. Yes, the winner of the box of Gower Cottage Brownies has been drawn at random. Drum roll please...

Congratulations Carolin Mader! Off to tweet you now at @caro_mad. Enjoy your brownies.

I am so loving all my new things. What's new in your house? Any good finds?

(Boring bit at the end: these opinions are my own. I was given the Moon Dough in return for writing what I think of it.)


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